Thoughts and dreams

Monday morning thoughts

It’s been a tough weekend, and I’m happy to see it finished. Nothing happened, I was just exhausted and in bed most of the time. I don’t cope well with being stuck in bed, which is something I try to work on. It’s inevitable with the level of fatigue I experience, and it doesn’t help that I get upset.

Actually, it’s been a tough few weeks, and I think I’ve reached my limit. It started off with three of my fosters running away the very same day they got here. Since then, two of them have been caught, but the last one is just too clever. I feel bad that they got out of the catio, and I feel bad for the scared little guy who’s now all alone in unfamiliar environment.

Add to that, I had to go to the A & E in the middle of the night a couple of days after the runaways made their break for freedom. I still don’t know what is wrong, but my doctor has started to investigate. Something is wrong with my intestines though. I’ve got new meds that help with the nausea at least.

On top of this, I had decided to find my dog a new home. I finally realized I won’t ever be in good enough shape to give her what she needs. I put an ad online, and found her the perfect home. She moved to her new family on Thursday. Now, I’m really happy about her new home, but I’m heartbroken. For one, I love her and miss her. Also, I’ve had dogs for the past 30 years. It feels like a (another) big chunk of my identity was taken from me when I gave up Yuki.


It’s a sunny morning and I have kittens running around in the living room. My mum is doing my grocery shopping, and I can rest today, too. I hope I’ll feel well enough to sit on the veranda and catch a few rays of sun. I just want to get in touch with myself again. Find the parts of my identity that are still there.

Thoughts and dreams

You behind the illness tag

Tripping Through Treacle started this tag a few days ago, and I think it’s a great way to get to know other spoonie bloggers.

Four places I’ve lived

Oslo, Norway
Ierapetra, Crete
Vacaville, California
Moelv, Norway

Four places I’ve worked

In my grandparents’ restaurant as a waiter
In an IT company as a cafeteria manager
In a non-profit literature organization as a secretary
In a gym as a personal trainer and fitness instructor

Four favourite hobbies

Reading (mostly British crime atm)
Gaming (mostly Elder Scrolls Online atm)
Fostering homeless cats and kittens
Walking my dog

Four things I like to watch

Kittens playing!
The birds in the yard
Animal rescue shows
Pictures of nature

Four things I like to read

British crime
Fantasy/urban fantasy
Atlas Obscura
Long articles I can learn from

Four places I have been

Montreal, Quebec
Rome, Italy
San Francisco, California
Alexandria, Egypt

Four things I love to eat

All sorts of cheese
Chocolate
Italian food
Fruits

Four favourite things to drink

Coffee
Water
Rum
Tea

Four places I want to visit

Scotland
Shetland
Iceland
The north of Norway

Bloggers I’d like to tag:

I don’t know that many yet, and from what I gather they’re all tagged already. If you’ve read this and haven’t been tagged, consider yourself tagged now!

Thoughts and dreams

A slow release of tension

When I was at the doctor’s this week, we also talked about what’s gone wrong with the hopes, plans and rehab of the past. I’ve been able to get in good shape physically and control the pain with exercise more than once, but every time I’ve gone back to work and it all fell apart again. For each time, I’ve become more ill.

The doctor reminded me now that this time I’m not going back to work. Work is not possible. The past 10 years have shown that. The goal now is for me to have as normal of a life as I can.

I didn’t think much about it during the conversation, but in the days after I’ve felt a slow release of tension. I think that in the back of my mind I was still thinking “maybe I’ll be able to work”. Like I’ve thought every time through the past 10 years. It feels like the doctor just removed that option, and that gave way to other hopes. Like “maybe I’ll be able to keep my dog, get back to weight training, do stuff I like to do, and not be stuck in bed 80% of the time”.

The pain and fatigue has been the same as usual since the doctor’s appointment, but I’ve still managed to do things I wouldn’t normally do. I used the snowblower to clean the courtyard on Thursday (is was literally full of snow) and asked my friend/assistant to join me for a walk with the dog yesterday. It might not sound much, but to me it was two instances of physically activity that I haven’t done for ages. It felt great!